Mad Cat Disease

Can't. Get. Enough.

Gaining Momentum

I guess it's true that when you're happy you've got less to say. At least for me. I haven't posted anything in the last few days because I've been both busy and happy. The last few months for me have been difficult, trying, depressing, etc...I completely lost momentum, self-confidence and even the hope of being hired somewhere. I even told Jeff that I was beginning to feel "un-hire-worthy." The less I did, the less I wanted to do. You'd think with all my free time I would have been exercising, organizing...just gettin' shit done. But I wasn't. I held out hope that the right job would come along, but I started to get confused, thinking that maybe I was passing things up because sub-consciously I just didn't want to work or something. But listening to that tiny glimmer of my inner ego (Rachel you're too good for Macy's, Rachel you know you won't be happy being the admin at "X" corporation no matter how much they pay you) was 100% the right thing to do. I almost can't believe this even happened for me.

It's only been a week, but my new job is perfect for me. Working in the editorial department in magazine publishing is something that I've always wanted to do. The best work experience I had was as an intern at a magazine, and the only time I've ever gone to a job that didn't make me absolutely miserable. My boss is awesome. She is the antithesis of micro-management. Our office environment, casual. Very casual, which equals very awesome. My editor and managing editor are women my age and we're getting along fantastic. I do a little bit of administrative work, but not much, most of it is creative, and best of all, I am trusted to make decisions. And even better than the "best of all" is that I get to write. I get to do restaurant reviews (which I've been wanting to do for a while), shop for items we want to feature, and eventually I'll even get to do some travel writing.

So yeah, things are better.

We have a lunch club on Monday's too, which reminded me a lot of this!

F-F-Finally!

Fucking A -that took long enough! I was finally offered a job in publishing! A great defeat for yours truly. I will be working as an editorial assistant for a small magazine publisher in Folsom. They put out a few local "lifestyle" magazines, including a wedding mag twice a year. It's right up my alley and should be really fun. Hopefully the first of many good things to come this year. Hooray.

So.Much.Pain.

I had a mole removed from my back yesterday. This isn't the first time I've had this done (yay for being pale and prone to skin cancer!) but I don't remember it hurting this bad! I feel like I've been sliced open, which I was, and then kicked in the kidney a few times. I asked the nurse if this was going to hurt after the anesthesia wore off and she gave me a pretty convincing "no." Boy, was she wrong. It didn't take long before I started to feel it. It's been so hard to get comfortable. It stings and throbs like a mother******! I'm pretty sure it's the stitches that make it hurt so bad, not the actual incision. I called the doctor's office practically in tears this morning and got some pain meds for the time being. As long as this pain persists, here I'll sit, drugged up and whacked out all weekend.

What are you up to?

Wanting

These are gummy bear lamps. Aren't they awesome? They look like Light Brights don't they? They sell for a whopping $125 a piece over here. If I had a candy store these would definitely be part of my decor.

LOOK!

Here I am as a Picasso woman:


And here I am as an alien:


All courtesy of this photobooth program for PC's.

The Original Candy Queen (The Original Swedish Version)

Today is my Half-Birthday...And Other Stories from my Couch

OMG. I'm just thrilled that I remembered this year. I told Jeff earlier this week that Saturday was going to be my half-birthday, but that I'd be surprised if I even remembered on Saturday. Usually, around the 19th, I gush "aww, shucks! I forgot yet again!"

So, folks, I am please to announce that today, I am exactly 26.5 years old.

Enough of that nonsense. Since I am still trying to get over this sore throat sickness thing that's boggin' me down, I've spent the last five hours on the couch in which I started and finished a new book, Diablo Cody's Candy Girl...A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper. Cody is the writer behind the acclaimed film Juno and apparently has some other screenplays in the works too. Who knew she was a stripper from Minnesota? Well, actually I did know that because I saw her on Oprah a few weeks ago, but I didn't know she wrote a book about it. It's safe to say it was an entertaining read seeing as I just sat here and read the whole thing, only putting it down to take a whiz and get a few more pieces of beef jerky. I can't remember the last time I sat and read a whole book at one time since my friend Dannielle, from my days at the Jewish Day School and I competitively read The Babysitter's Club books. We'd have a sleep-over and each produce our newest Ann M. Martin Schoolastic "novels" (there are probably hundreds of these books) and when we were done with our own (usually took 1-2 hours to complete one book), we'd trade and read each other's. I think we had a similar reading pace so it worked out pretty good for us.

And now it's time for a random video!

As Techie as I Get.

For many reasons, all of which I can't recall, I'm stranded with my iPod and am convinced I need a new one. You see, my iPod is of the first generation. Actually, I was surprised to find online today that the exact one I have was the 3rd model, but anyway, please examine exhibit A, my iPod (notice it doesn't even have the click-wheel):



My iPod has something like 2,500 songs on it with a capacity of 5,000. But since Rachel's Great Computer Crash of 2006, I haven't been able to put any new music on it. See, because my model is so old, and because I had formatted it to a Mac and now own a PC, and because I lost all those 2,500 songs that were on my hard-drive, I'm completely fucked. I spent $500 on this pod with my first real estate commission check. I want to listen to new music in my car, but I don't want to lose all of what I already have! Jeff says the only way to fix the issue is to reverse load the songs from the iPod onto a Mac and then burn it all to CD's and then upload all those CD's into the iTunes on my PC. But we don't have a Mac to do such with, and even then, it seems like a lot of work! Although, I would like to salvage these songs if possible.

My other issue is with my phone. I never feel happy with whatever phone I buy. Do you? Is this normal? It's not because I want the latest gadget. I'm not really into gadgets. Practical ones I suppose. I mean, the iPod is pretty much essential, but if it didn't exist I'd still be using one of those bright yellow Sony sports Walkman and taping songs off the radio and would probably be perfectly happy doing that! But last summer I switched to T-Mobile so I could get the Sidekick. Jeff and I were living in different cities and we did so much texting that I need something durable. Something that could handle pages and pages of texted love notes in a speedy fashion. But now that Jeff and I live in the same city and house, I really don't need the Sidekick, and the phone part of it is really annoying, not to mention how bulky it is (which I thought I liked so I could find it in my purse, but it turns out I don't).

We figured out we can save a good $50/month between our phone bills if I switch back over to AT&T/Cingular/AT&T/Whatever its name is now...So the real question at hand here is, should I get the iPhone?

Let's forget about the price for a moment and think about the practicality. If I need a new iPod at the same time I'm going to be switching service providers and have to get one of their phones anyway...Then there is the issue of being able to navigate in Sacramento. Most of the time I still have to bring directions with me everywhere I go. With the iPhone, I'd have the directions plus maps right there in my car with me! I could go anywhere! When I first got to this city, I was looking for a pet store that sold Charlie's brand of dog food and when I found one close, I wrote down the address/directions on an old envelope. But when I got to the address it wasn't there! It had gone out of business! Thank you Yahoo! But if I would have had the iPhone with me, I would have been able to find another store right there in the car, rather than having to go home and getting back on the computer. This also happened again recently when I was trying to find a shoe repair.

But I'm so confused! What should I do?

Bits and Pieces

Since Jeff spoils me so much, I wanted to do something nice for him for Valentine's Day. I mean, the man has been fitting the bills for a while now, and he cooks me dinner a lot, and he'll even go out at 11pm to get me ice cream or whatever else I think I want before bedtime. Basically anything I want, within reason, he makes sure I get. So, I made sure to get up with him yesterday and pack him a lunch with all his faves. A turkey sandwich, just the rye chips from the Gardetto Snacks, green grapes, a few beef jerky strips, and a couple fruit leathers (one is never enough).

For dinner I made a fresh Caprese salad and Martha's Perfect Roast Chicken. I've made this recipe once before and it turned out just as good as I remembered it. If you're looking for an easy but amazing roast chicken, this is it. The meat is so tender that it literally just falls off the bone. There is almost no need to even carve this thing. The ingredients are fresh, simple and not overbearing by any means. I think my oven gets hotter than most so I had to cover it with foil so that the skin didn't brown to fast. And for dessert, on top of the truffles Jeff gave me, I made these molten mocha cakes. They look all fancy and gourmet, but they were so easy and quick. I couldn't find espresso powder, and after some research, I found that it's something you can usually only find at specialty shops, so I just used some instant coffee instead. The coffee flavor wasn't very strong, I would have used more if I would have known. But I always try to use a high quality chocolate like Ghiradelli, and these little cakes still tasted great and were so gooey and warm...Just like in a restaurant!

Then we sat down and got our weekly dose of LOST. They're introducing so many new things this season that it's impossible to really know what's going on and isn't as suspenseful as the previous seasons. With only 5 more new episodes left, I don't have much hope that we'll get many answers. I hope to god that production starts back up soon! I've been getting sick and after the show my throat started to hurt really bad and I got cranky, and Jeff was all sweet and wanted to go get me Chloraseptic spray, but I wouldn't let him. That stuff is nasty anyway!

On another note, it's looking like Jeff has to go to Texas again for work for a whole week. What am I going to do for a whole week by myself, with no friends?! It's possible I could have job by then if things go well on Monday, but if not, looks like it's Netflix City for this girl!

I Want These!

The Today Show's Guide to Flowers

Because it's Valentine's Day, The Today Show had some flower expert on this morning explaining the different meanings of flower bouquets you may or may not be getting today. And in case you don't know how your man feels about you, I'll recap.

If you get something purple like this, it means "he's crushing on you hard."

Orchids mean ecstasy and there is probably something kinky going on.

Red roses, of course, HAVE TO MEAN TRUE LOVE! And if there's any ivy in your red rose bouquet t hat means marriage and fidelity.

Jasmine means "I'm lucky to have found you."

Anything orange says "warmth."

But watch out yellow! This expert woman said to avoid yellow on V-day! She says any yellow flower is negative, and reflect jealousy and rejection. Who knew? I thought it meant something like "friendship?"

Then she went on to completely negate everything she said and told the anchor to just get what you know your woman likes...Even if it's yellow! *Gasp* Whaaaa???

Re-donk!

His Lobotomy

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading this book by Howard Dully. Not long after I posted that blog, I was excited to see that I had a comment! The comment was from Dully himself! I thought it was a joke, but after checking out his site, it's totally legit. My own friends don't even comment here, but the author of the book I'm reading does??? Even if all he does is Google himself all day long, I thought it was pretty damn cool.

I finally finished the book last night. I say finally, but really, I read it in three days. It's just that any time I wasn't reading, I was wanting to. I've found myself a little obsessed with this story. And why? I was never lobotomized, I was never tortured by my step-mother, I never even had a step-mother, and I don't think anyone hated me as a child. But I think I resonated with the loneliness and insecurity the author always felt. No one ever told him that he was loved and I can relate to that. Even though I hear those words now, I don't remember ever hearing it as a kid. If I did, it obviously wasn't enough or not significant to me. I was a very quit child and no one really talked to me. My dad was at work and my mom was usually in bed, depressed, or working in her art studio. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly neglected. I took dance lessons and had ponies and nice clothes. But I remember it was like pulling teeth to get my parents to attend my dance recitals and just do what all the other parents did for their children. I don't hold a grudge about any of that now, but as a kid, that was really confusing and hurtful. I spent a lot of time in my room, alone.

So after I finished the book I found the original NPR broadcast of which Dully's book is drawn from and listened to the 22 minute-long biography, and it's wonderful.

It's hard to imagine a time when a "medical" practice like this was normal. That no one really stood up for the victims of this procedure. Today there would be many organizations and gala's held to raise money for these people. There would be some fancy celebrity at the head of it all and one of those Lance Armstrong bracelets.

The book also made me think of my mother's brother. I never met him (though he was supposedly there at my birth), but he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic in his late teens and sent from the East Coast to live in a mental institution in Tacoma, where at 60-something, he is still living. I'm sure he is a ward of the state of Washington; a throw away. Could his problem(s) really have been that bad? It must have been sometime in the 1960's when he was sent there. What kept my grandparents from sending him to see Dr. Freeman, I wonder? Is it better to just lock someone up and throw away the key? No one spoke of him growing up. I think when my parents moved to Washington they might have tried to visit him once or twice. Maybe it was too painful.

Well, if Dully is reading this now, I would like him to know that his story really touched my heart. I know I'm not the only one. I know he's received tons of letters and e-mails telling him how brave he is. In an odd way, I almost feel proud of him. I guess I'm just happy to see that someone who endured so much has finally come full circle and has let go of the pain. I have a feeling he'll be on Oprah soon.

Back From Black

So, my weekend in Seattle was good. It helped me to realize that things are still the same, my friends are all still truckin' along. Some might have shorter or longer hair, or are dating someone new, but for the most part, still the same. And you know what? It didn't really feel like "home" anymore. Home is actually where the heart is, errr, for me, where Jeff is. And that was good to figure out. Some of my friends made an effort to see me, some didn't, and some were flakey. But you can't expect to see everyone in one weekend and I saw the people I expected to see.

The first thing I did when I got there was go straight to Jazmine's salon and get my hair done. I'm finally back to a somewhat shade of blonde and I told her the next time I tell her I want to be a serious brunette to just tell me NO. It just doesn't suit me.

Jazzy's party was of course fun and spiked with style that only those salon-types can bring. I didn't get too glammed up but Jaz looked like Valentine's Barbie in a short red dress with a sweetheart neckline.

Bella's birthday was a blast for a 3 year-old's party! The bloody mary's at Christo's on Alki are the best I've ever had and it was really fun to watch Bella open ALL those presents!

While I was at Seatac Airport on my way home, I realized I was about 30 pages away from being done with my book, and since the Alaska Airlines terminal is all new and fancy, I was wandering around and found a good sized Border's Books and took a look. In the biography section I found this book My Lobotomy. It is a bone-chilling page turner that I have not been able to put down. I plan on finishing it today, and I highly suggest it. The beginning starts out a little dry, the writing almost seems like a mentally disabled person is actually writing it, but the writing gets better with each chapter. Howard Dully, the author, was essentially signed up for a lobotomy by his evil step-mother even though Dully's problems were pretty normal for a kid, especially given the circumstances of life that he was under. He was one of the few that led a somewhat normal life post-procedure and as an adult went looking for answers. This book is c-razy! Read it!

I woke up with a killer sore throat, so I seemed to have picked up Jeff's illness that he picked up from work...Also found out I have to get that mole completely removed because the biopsy came back with irregular cells.

Ugh. Back to life.

Untitled

Due to some back pain from my biopsy yesterday, I popped one of the vicodins I had left over from a previous hospital procedure. The meds helped the pain but it didn't stop my mind from racing all night. I went to bed at 11 p.m. but by 1:30 a.m. I was saying to myself "OK, mind. You can shut off now. You're not even thinking about anything productive or anxiety-driven. This is stupid. Shut off! Go to bed!"

Tomorrow I'm flying back to Seattle for the weekend. It will be my first time visiting since I moved to Sacramento. Three of my friends will be celebrating birthdays this weekend and I didn't want that to pass me by. But at first, I was scared to even buy the ticket because I thought that once I got a glimpse of what I left, I'd surely never want to come back to Sactown. But at the same time, I think I really need to get out of here for a minute so I can open myself up to appreciating it here. The reality is, I'm not moving back to Seattle. Not any time soon at least. Anyone can give up and go home, but not everyone can make a successful transition and I am determined to keep trying. But how will this visit change me, is what I think my mind might have been pondering restlessly last night. Will I feel like a loser, having to tell my friends that I'm still not working? Will I suddenly turn and take a California stance on the doom and gloom of the Emerald City? Will I feel jealous that my friends are still enjoying the comforts of the city that I am missing? Will I defend Seattle or Sacramento? Or will I just relax, enjoy the good things about the city, and for once, let my friends take care of me?

The truth is that I even have a good job prospect right now. One that I could actually be excited about. The first one I've been excited about since I've lived here...But also one that I don't want to jinx by speaking too much about at this point. And with just that possibility, things are looking up for me. Suddenly I'm less consumed with the fear of going home and more concerned with just enjoying a few days with the people I miss and the city I grew up in. So friends? If you're reading this, be prepared to show me a good time! I'm a "guest" now.

The Day After

Mostly I like holidays because of their connection to candy, not because they stand for anything I necessarily want to participate in. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday for candy. I think this is true purely for the simple fact that other than chocolate, all the candy is red and pink. The red and pink flavors are usually the best. Whether the flavor is strawberry, raspberry or cinnamon, the pinks and reds never let me down. My favorite day of the year, and a CandyQueen proclaimed holiday, is the day after Valentine's Day, when all the candy is 50-75% percent off. The day after any candy holiday is good, but V-Day is undoubtedly my favorite. And just for shits & giggles, here is my hierarchy of holidays that bring out the best in sugar.

1. Valentine's Day

2. Easter

3. Christmas

4. Halloween

You may wonder why Halloween is last on my list, when that holiday is *all about candy.* The reason is because other than candy corn (which I do like) there is nothing unique to Halloween candy; just smaller versions of the same 'ol stuff. It excites me the least.

Yep, it's true.

An e-mail I recently received from a friend:

"Do people really call it 'Sactown' down there or is that just the name of a stupid magazine?"

Sadly, yes. Four syllables is clearly too many for some. However, I have heard people call it "Sacatomatoes" or "Sacapotatoes." Something like that.

Not to get all Dramatic, but...

Today I was thinking about some of the reasons that it sucks to be in your 20s. I guess I should add a disclaimer by pointing out that I have never been in my 30s, so I don't know if that could suck more. But I kind of doubt it. And also, I'm sure not everyone in their 20s feels the way I do and I am OK with that.

Like a lot of other little girls, I couldn't wait to be older. I wanted to act older, dress older, look older and do things that older girls would do. Part of this stemmed from the uncontrollable fact that I was born in August. Because of this, I was always the last of all my friends to do anything. The last to get my driver's license, the last to turn 18 and 21, and I think I was even the last to get my period and definitely the last to have sex. What can I say? I was a late bloomer and all those scare tactics in sex-ed worked on me. Maybe if my parents weren't so set on me being class of '99 rather than 2000, things would have turned out differently. I would have been the older, cooler one...But no, they couldn't wait to get me out of the house and into kindergarten!

But now that I'm in my [mid?] 20s, I worry about cancer and STD's. Where's the fun in that?

The first thing about being a twenty-something is that you finally have to admit to yourself that even though you might have actually known everything in your teens, you don't anymore. You start to realize that the more you learn, the less you actually know. That this world is a great big place and no one has all the answers. And when you pass a certain age and realize that you're older than your parents were when they started having kids, you start to understand that no matter how much your childhood sucked, your parents were young and just as stupid as you, and they did the best they could. For whatever reason, that was a hard one to grasp.

One of the worst things about being in your 20s, is something I think the majority of my friends are going through. We either don't know what it is we really want to be doing with our lives, or we're working demeaning jobs, or just jobs that we don't like, or we know what we want but can't figure out a way to get there, or some combination of all those things. We are putting in our *time* and/or climbing that cliche "ladder" to the top, or maybe just continuing to job-hunt and lean on our oh-so-supportive boyfriends like me. I don't think this is something that just disappears when one turns 30, but I do think at that point you at least have enough experience to help give you a leg up. Maybe?

I'm 26. I have a bachelor's degree from a fancy private school where I was taught to value ethics and be an advocate for social justice, yet I'm unemployed, my dad pays for my car insurance and sucky health insurance that doesn't really cover me in California. The best/only job offer I've had lately has been a personal errand runner at the "competitive" rate of $10 per hour with no benefits and an hour commute each way. When does it get better?

I went to the dermatologist today because at 26 I still battle with bouts of my on-and-off again lover, Acne. Hey, at least I can always count on that! I went to the doc for one thing and came out with yet another mole on my back biopsied. I've had quite a few moles taken to the lab in my life. Some turned out to be fine, some turned out to have abnormalities. Now I wait and see if it could be cancer. "Pre-cancer," I think is what they call it. What the hell is "pre-cancer" anyway?

Hi, my name is Rachel, I'm 26 and I have pre-cancer.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

This is not very Sweet

I had no idea that the Mars Candy Company have been testing on animals! Mars makes everything from M&M's to Snickers bars and a whole lot in between. Now, I'm not a crazy PETA member or anything like that. In fact, I eat meat and buy leather shoes. But since when does good 'ol chocolate need to be tested on animals? Not only does that worry me in general, but it really cements the idea that the food industry keeps putting wiggity whacked products in our food! And no one really seems to notice! Anyway, this is enough info for me to stay away from the Mars products for now, and you should too! Stick to the Necco conversation hearts this V-Day.

Real Quick

I just found this candy company through Alexis Stewart's blog. This is one of the most creative sugar ideas not to mention website that I've seen in a loooooong time. And don't you just love how their stores are open from 12pm-9pm? That's my kind of sweetness. The Barcelona based candy co. employees probably get to take a nap around 3pm too! Oh, the joy!

Remembering Israel

Just going through some of everyone's pictures and videos from Israel last June and wishin' we could go back and do it all over again. This video was taken right after we climbed a mountain at 4:30 a.m. Good Times!



And if you haven't seen my pics, you can do so here.