Back From Black

So, my weekend in Seattle was good. It helped me to realize that things are still the same, my friends are all still truckin' along. Some might have shorter or longer hair, or are dating someone new, but for the most part, still the same. And you know what? It didn't really feel like "home" anymore. Home is actually where the heart is, errr, for me, where Jeff is. And that was good to figure out. Some of my friends made an effort to see me, some didn't, and some were flakey. But you can't expect to see everyone in one weekend and I saw the people I expected to see.

The first thing I did when I got there was go straight to Jazmine's salon and get my hair done. I'm finally back to a somewhat shade of blonde and I told her the next time I tell her I want to be a serious brunette to just tell me NO. It just doesn't suit me.

Jazzy's party was of course fun and spiked with style that only those salon-types can bring. I didn't get too glammed up but Jaz looked like Valentine's Barbie in a short red dress with a sweetheart neckline.

Bella's birthday was a blast for a 3 year-old's party! The bloody mary's at Christo's on Alki are the best I've ever had and it was really fun to watch Bella open ALL those presents!

While I was at Seatac Airport on my way home, I realized I was about 30 pages away from being done with my book, and since the Alaska Airlines terminal is all new and fancy, I was wandering around and found a good sized Border's Books and took a look. In the biography section I found this book My Lobotomy. It is a bone-chilling page turner that I have not been able to put down. I plan on finishing it today, and I highly suggest it. The beginning starts out a little dry, the writing almost seems like a mentally disabled person is actually writing it, but the writing gets better with each chapter. Howard Dully, the author, was essentially signed up for a lobotomy by his evil step-mother even though Dully's problems were pretty normal for a kid, especially given the circumstances of life that he was under. He was one of the few that led a somewhat normal life post-procedure and as an adult went looking for answers. This book is c-razy! Read it!

I woke up with a killer sore throat, so I seemed to have picked up Jeff's illness that he picked up from work...Also found out I have to get that mole completely removed because the biopsy came back with irregular cells.

Ugh. Back to life.

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Due to some back pain from my biopsy yesterday, I popped one of the vicodins I had left over from a previous hospital procedure. The meds helped the pain but it didn't stop my mind from racing all night. I went to bed at 11 p.m. but by 1:30 a.m. I was saying to myself "OK, mind. You can shut off now. You're not even thinking about anything productive or anxiety-driven. This is stupid. Shut off! Go to bed!"

Tomorrow I'm flying back to Seattle for the weekend. It will be my first time visiting since I moved to Sacramento. Three of my friends will be celebrating birthdays this weekend and I didn't want that to pass me by. But at first, I was scared to even buy the ticket because I thought that once I got a glimpse of what I left, I'd surely never want to come back to Sactown. But at the same time, I think I really need to get out of here for a minute so I can open myself up to appreciating it here. The reality is, I'm not moving back to Seattle. Not any time soon at least. Anyone can give up and go home, but not everyone can make a successful transition and I am determined to keep trying. But how will this visit change me, is what I think my mind might have been pondering restlessly last night. Will I feel like a loser, having to tell my friends that I'm still not working? Will I suddenly turn and take a California stance on the doom and gloom of the Emerald City? Will I feel jealous that my friends are still enjoying the comforts of the city that I am missing? Will I defend Seattle or Sacramento? Or will I just relax, enjoy the good things about the city, and for once, let my friends take care of me?

The truth is that I even have a good job prospect right now. One that I could actually be excited about. The first one I've been excited about since I've lived here...But also one that I don't want to jinx by speaking too much about at this point. And with just that possibility, things are looking up for me. Suddenly I'm less consumed with the fear of going home and more concerned with just enjoying a few days with the people I miss and the city I grew up in. So friends? If you're reading this, be prepared to show me a good time! I'm a "guest" now.