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Due to some back pain from my biopsy yesterday, I popped one of the vicodins I had left over from a previous hospital procedure. The meds helped the pain but it didn't stop my mind from racing all night. I went to bed at 11 p.m. but by 1:30 a.m. I was saying to myself "OK, mind. You can shut off now. You're not even thinking about anything productive or anxiety-driven. This is stupid. Shut off! Go to bed!"

Tomorrow I'm flying back to Seattle for the weekend. It will be my first time visiting since I moved to Sacramento. Three of my friends will be celebrating birthdays this weekend and I didn't want that to pass me by. But at first, I was scared to even buy the ticket because I thought that once I got a glimpse of what I left, I'd surely never want to come back to Sactown. But at the same time, I think I really need to get out of here for a minute so I can open myself up to appreciating it here. The reality is, I'm not moving back to Seattle. Not any time soon at least. Anyone can give up and go home, but not everyone can make a successful transition and I am determined to keep trying. But how will this visit change me, is what I think my mind might have been pondering restlessly last night. Will I feel like a loser, having to tell my friends that I'm still not working? Will I suddenly turn and take a California stance on the doom and gloom of the Emerald City? Will I feel jealous that my friends are still enjoying the comforts of the city that I am missing? Will I defend Seattle or Sacramento? Or will I just relax, enjoy the good things about the city, and for once, let my friends take care of me?

The truth is that I even have a good job prospect right now. One that I could actually be excited about. The first one I've been excited about since I've lived here...But also one that I don't want to jinx by speaking too much about at this point. And with just that possibility, things are looking up for me. Suddenly I'm less consumed with the fear of going home and more concerned with just enjoying a few days with the people I miss and the city I grew up in. So friends? If you're reading this, be prepared to show me a good time! I'm a "guest" now.