Due to some back pain from my biopsy yesterday, I popped one of the vicodins I had left over from a previous hospital procedure. The meds helped the pain but it didn't stop my mind from racing all night. I went to bed at 11 p.m. but by 1:30 a.m. I was saying to myself "OK, mind. You can shut off now. You're not even thinking about anything productive or anxiety-driven. This is stupid. Shut off! Go to bed!"
Tomorrow I'm flying back to Seattle for the weekend. It will be my first time visiting since I moved to Sacramento. Three of my friends will be celebrating birthdays this weekend and I didn't want that to pass me by. But at first, I was scared to even buy the ticket because I thought that once I got a glimpse of what I left, I'd surely never want to come back to Sactown. But at the same time, I think I really need to get out of here for a minute so I can open myself up to appreciating it here. The reality is, I'm not moving back to Seattle. Not any time soon at least. Anyone can give up and go home, but not everyone can make a successful transition and I am determined to keep trying. But how will this visit change me, is what I think my mind might have been pondering restlessly last night. Will I feel like a loser, having to tell my friends that I'm still not working? Will I suddenly turn and take a California stance on the doom and gloom of the Emerald City? Will I feel jealous that my friends are still enjoying the comforts of the city that I am missing? Will I defend Seattle or Sacramento? Or will I just relax, enjoy the good things about the city, and for once, let my friends take care of me?
The truth is that I even have a good job prospect right now. One that I could actually be excited about. The first one I've been excited about since I've lived here...But also one that I don't want to jinx by speaking too much about at this point. And with just that possibility, things are looking up for me. Suddenly I'm less consumed with the fear of going home and more concerned with just enjoying a few days with the people I miss and the city I grew up in. So friends? If you're reading this, be prepared to show me a good time! I'm a "guest" now.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Day After
Mostly I like holidays because of their connection to candy, not because they stand for anything I necessarily want to participate in. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday for candy. I think this is true purely for the simple fact that other than chocolate, all the candy is red and pink. The red and pink flavors are usually the best. Whether the flavor is strawberry, raspberry or cinnamon, the pinks and reds never let me down. My favorite day of the year, and a CandyQueen proclaimed holiday, is the day after Valentine's Day, when all the candy is 50-75% percent off. The day after any candy holiday is good, but V-Day is undoubtedly my favorite. And just for shits & giggles, here is my hierarchy of holidays that bring out the best in sugar.
1. Valentine's Day
2. Easter
3. Christmas
4. Halloween
You may wonder why Halloween is last on my list, when that holiday is *all about candy.* The reason is because other than candy corn (which I do like) there is nothing unique to Halloween candy; just smaller versions of the same 'ol stuff. It excites me the least.
1. Valentine's Day
2. Easter
3. Christmas
4. Halloween
You may wonder why Halloween is last on my list, when that holiday is *all about candy.* The reason is because other than candy corn (which I do like) there is nothing unique to Halloween candy; just smaller versions of the same 'ol stuff. It excites me the least.
Yep, it's true.
An e-mail I recently received from a friend:
"Do people really call it 'Sactown' down there or is that just the name of a stupid magazine?"
Sadly, yes. Four syllables is clearly too many for some. However, I have heard people call it "Sacatomatoes" or "Sacapotatoes." Something like that.
"Do people really call it 'Sactown' down there or is that just the name of a stupid magazine?"
Sadly, yes. Four syllables is clearly too many for some. However, I have heard people call it "Sacatomatoes" or "Sacapotatoes." Something like that.
Not to get all Dramatic, but...
Today I was thinking about some of the reasons that it sucks to be in your 20s. I guess I should add a disclaimer by pointing out that I have never been in my 30s, so I don't know if that could suck more. But I kind of doubt it. And also, I'm sure not everyone in their 20s feels the way I do and I am OK with that.
Like a lot of other little girls, I couldn't wait to be older. I wanted to act older, dress older, look older and do things that older girls would do. Part of this stemmed from the uncontrollable fact that I was born in August. Because of this, I was always the last of all my friends to do anything. The last to get my driver's license, the last to turn 18 and 21, and I think I was even the last to get my period and definitely the last to have sex. What can I say? I was a late bloomer and all those scare tactics in sex-ed worked on me. Maybe if my parents weren't so set on me being class of '99 rather than 2000, things would have turned out differently. I would have been the older, cooler one...But no, they couldn't wait to get me out of the house and into kindergarten!
But now that I'm in my [mid?] 20s, I worry about cancer and STD's. Where's the fun in that?
The first thing about being a twenty-something is that you finally have to admit to yourself that even though you might have actually known everything in your teens, you don't anymore. You start to realize that the more you learn, the less you actually know. That this world is a great big place and no one has all the answers. And when you pass a certain age and realize that you're older than your parents were when they started having kids, you start to understand that no matter how much your childhood sucked, your parents were young and just as stupid as you, and they did the best they could. For whatever reason, that was a hard one to grasp.
One of the worst things about being in your 20s, is something I think the majority of my friends are going through. We either don't know what it is we really want to be doing with our lives, or we're working demeaning jobs, or just jobs that we don't like, or we know what we want but can't figure out a way to get there, or some combination of all those things. We are putting in our *time* and/or climbing that cliche "ladder" to the top, or maybe just continuing to job-hunt and lean on our oh-so-supportive boyfriends like me. I don't think this is something that just disappears when one turns 30, but I do think at that point you at least have enough experience to help give you a leg up. Maybe?
I'm 26. I have a bachelor's degree from a fancy private school where I was taught to value ethics and be an advocate for social justice, yet I'm unemployed, my dad pays for my car insurance and sucky health insurance that doesn't really cover me in California. The best/only job offer I've had lately has been a personal errand runner at the "competitive" rate of $10 per hour with no benefits and an hour commute each way. When does it get better?
I went to the dermatologist today because at 26 I still battle with bouts of my on-and-off again lover, Acne. Hey, at least I can always count on that! I went to the doc for one thing and came out with yet another mole on my back biopsied. I've had quite a few moles taken to the lab in my life. Some turned out to be fine, some turned out to have abnormalities. Now I wait and see if it could be cancer. "Pre-cancer," I think is what they call it. What the hell is "pre-cancer" anyway?
Hi, my name is Rachel, I'm 26 and I have pre-cancer.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Like a lot of other little girls, I couldn't wait to be older. I wanted to act older, dress older, look older and do things that older girls would do. Part of this stemmed from the uncontrollable fact that I was born in August. Because of this, I was always the last of all my friends to do anything. The last to get my driver's license, the last to turn 18 and 21, and I think I was even the last to get my period and definitely the last to have sex. What can I say? I was a late bloomer and all those scare tactics in sex-ed worked on me. Maybe if my parents weren't so set on me being class of '99 rather than 2000, things would have turned out differently. I would have been the older, cooler one...But no, they couldn't wait to get me out of the house and into kindergarten!
But now that I'm in my [mid?] 20s, I worry about cancer and STD's. Where's the fun in that?
The first thing about being a twenty-something is that you finally have to admit to yourself that even though you might have actually known everything in your teens, you don't anymore. You start to realize that the more you learn, the less you actually know. That this world is a great big place and no one has all the answers. And when you pass a certain age and realize that you're older than your parents were when they started having kids, you start to understand that no matter how much your childhood sucked, your parents were young and just as stupid as you, and they did the best they could. For whatever reason, that was a hard one to grasp.
One of the worst things about being in your 20s, is something I think the majority of my friends are going through. We either don't know what it is we really want to be doing with our lives, or we're working demeaning jobs, or just jobs that we don't like, or we know what we want but can't figure out a way to get there, or some combination of all those things. We are putting in our *time* and/or climbing that cliche "ladder" to the top, or maybe just continuing to job-hunt and lean on our oh-so-supportive boyfriends like me. I don't think this is something that just disappears when one turns 30, but I do think at that point you at least have enough experience to help give you a leg up. Maybe?
I'm 26. I have a bachelor's degree from a fancy private school where I was taught to value ethics and be an advocate for social justice, yet I'm unemployed, my dad pays for my car insurance and sucky health insurance that doesn't really cover me in California. The best/only job offer I've had lately has been a personal errand runner at the "competitive" rate of $10 per hour with no benefits and an hour commute each way. When does it get better?
I went to the dermatologist today because at 26 I still battle with bouts of my on-and-off again lover, Acne. Hey, at least I can always count on that! I went to the doc for one thing and came out with yet another mole on my back biopsied. I've had quite a few moles taken to the lab in my life. Some turned out to be fine, some turned out to have abnormalities. Now I wait and see if it could be cancer. "Pre-cancer," I think is what they call it. What the hell is "pre-cancer" anyway?
Hi, my name is Rachel, I'm 26 and I have pre-cancer.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
This is not very Sweet
I had no idea that the Mars Candy Company have been testing on animals! Mars makes everything from M&M's to Snickers bars and a whole lot in between. Now, I'm not a crazy PETA member or anything like that. In fact, I eat meat and buy leather shoes. But since when does good 'ol chocolate need to be tested on animals? Not only does that worry me in general, but it really cements the idea that the food industry keeps putting wiggity whacked products in our food! And no one really seems to notice! Anyway, this is enough info for me to stay away from the Mars products for now, and you should too! Stick to the Necco conversation hearts this V-Day.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Real Quick
I just found this candy company through Alexis Stewart's blog. This is one of the most creative sugar ideas not to mention website that I've seen in a loooooong time. And don't you just love how their stores are open from 12pm-9pm? That's my kind of sweetness. The Barcelona based candy co. employees probably get to take a nap around 3pm too! Oh, the joy!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Remembering Israel
Just going through some of everyone's pictures and videos from Israel last June and wishin' we could go back and do it all over again. This video was taken right after we climbed a mountain at 4:30 a.m. Good Times!
And if you haven't seen my pics, you can do so here.
And if you haven't seen my pics, you can do so here.
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