These are the Days of our Lives...

Its been a while since my last post. But in that time, it's fair to say, a few things have happened. I took a job and quit a job. Not only was I being taken advantage of at work, making cigarette runs and having to get hair gel for douche-candies, I was lied to about what the position really was. And commuting an hour each way to run personal errands just didn't seem worth my unhappiness. I have some other things in the works that may or may not come to fruition. But I have every reason to believe that I'll find my way and that something better will happen. I'm sick of feeling like just because I have this certain degree in this certain field, that I absolutely have to work in that field, or that I absolutely have to conform to this 9-5 life that I hate just so I can "pay for shit I don't need," as my friend Jason put it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's cool to abandon your responsibilities, and I am not exempt from that. I have debt and student loans to pay just like a lot of people, but I am learning that what's right for other people doesn't always mean it's right for me.

So, it's back to the drawing board...Back to scheduling my days around the my favorite soap opera (which isn't Days, it's Y&R) even though I don't ever really watch it, but just have it on in the background while I write e-mails and job hunt, and try again, to find the right job fit.

Things haven't been easy since I've been here. 95% of my mind is convinced that I won't last here. I have to remind myself why I'm here and what I'm doing. Sometimes I just feel guilty that I am a sinking ship and I'm taking Jeff down with me. But the reality is, the support that my boyfriend gives me is new to me. I've just never felt this type of love, respect and support from anyone. Not a family member and definitely not a boyfriend. And, amidst my frustration about not knowing what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life, and the bipolar-ness I've been feeling since I've been in Sacramento, Jeff has been my saving grace. And I just thought I'd let all the three people that read this blog, and the couple that stumble upon it accidentally, that the one thing I have done right, has been this relationship. I managed to snag the GREATEST guy, and in that regard, I've already won.