I was thinking that, umm, maybe you're bored and want to read about my latest job interview experience?

I found a posting on Craigslist for a part time, work from home staff writer. It didn't say anything about what the job actually was. It didn't say what genre of writing and it didn't say anything about the company. Just that they wanted a writer with this or that experience. Of course I inquired about the job and wrangled an interview for this morning.

I guess it's laughable to say the least. Like I said before, the job posting was so vague. They said what they were looking for but didn't say anything about what the position actually was. Here's how it went down:

The building was really a house downtown that is a property management company. A property management company. What does that have to do with writing? For whatever reason, still unknown to me, the big boss there also has, or is starting, some type of web based consulting business for non-profits and political issues, etc. Again, I'd like to stress that this wasn't in the job posting.

I get there, and it's busy. It's like they've scheduled all of the interviews for this position in the course of this 11 o'clock hour. I check in with the front desk dude and he gives me some paperwork. One of which is an on the spot, timed writing sample. It says to write a couple supporting and opposing sentences about the following statement: "Gov. Schwarzenegger is going to be releasing 20,000 non-violent prisoners to reduce overcrowding." I was confused. It didn't say to write your own personal opinions. It didn't say to make shit up. It didn't say to debate it. There was no direction. So, I scribbled a few things down that I thought was retarded and sounded more like a press release than anything else. I bascially just rephrased the statement and embellished.

I went into the interview and there were two people. A woman and a man. The man immediately says "don't touch me, I've been sick, blah blah blah." He goes on to say that they got hundreds of resumes and are trying to do this as fast as they can. He said he had a list of 20 questions to ask me and just wanted to breeze through them. Fine with me. A lot these questions were enormously retarded and had nothing to do with writing. Some of them were about work ethic, but they still didn't seem to pertain to the job, as it's a part time, work from home, creative (I think), type of position. He grills me with questions like "Why do you want to work?" NOT "why do you want to work HERE?" Or "Why haven't you worked in the last 3 months?" Just "why do you want to work?" I mean, what was I supposed to say? "Um, actually dude, I don't want to work at all. I want to learn the piano, travel, get spa treatments, learn a foreign language, and eat...for pleasure!" It was the truth. But I didn't say that.

Anyway, it is clear that these people had no idea what they were doing. The guy second guessed EVERY answer I gave him and not only made himself look like an asshole, but made me FEEL like one. Essentially, I thought it was going terrible. I couldn't wait to get out of there and it seemed like the dude flat out hated me. But then he blurted out that he really liked what I wrote in the waiting room. ??? Like I said, what I wrote in the waiting room was retarded. It was so weird that he gave me such a condescending attitude and then went on to say that after I felt humiliated. Not only did he say he liked what I wrote, he also said something like "well, you've got the right skill set, I mean, I'd hire you. I just don't know what we're going to do here. I don't know what we're looking for." He also says that he had no idea it was so hard for writers to find paying work. This may sound harsh, but who doesn't know that? Every tortured and self-respected creative-type undoubtedly has had a hard time making a living. Just like in the movies, only without getting "discovered" at the the end of the 90 minutes.

Then the dumbass lady that's in the room, is looking over my writing samples from Seattle Metropolitan Magazine and says "why does it say Rachel Steinberg here, and over here it says Rachel Gabrielle? I don't get it." My patience was fading, but I said, "because you're looking at my e-mail address (you dumbass) and that's my middle name!" She had my resume right in front of here and it clearly said "Rachel Steinberg." Basically, the e-mail address I use when I'm job hunting doesn't display my last name because I don't want to be Googled by prospective employers. I thought it was smart at the time I guess. She gave me some condescending look or statement. I'm not sure what it was...Then she says not to call them cuz there's just too many applicants.

When they were done being assholes, they upped their assholeness when I asked to know more about the position. I told the guy that the job posting was very vague, that they did a good job describing what they were looking for but completely left what the job description out of the posting and that I'd like them to take a few minutes to tell me more details so I can (and rightfully so) decide how I want to pursue this. He flat out says "NO!" And tells me that we're already like 12 minutes past our interview time! WHAT THE FUCK?! I couldn't frickin wait to get out of there, and again, the guy says "no handshake," or some shit. Fine by me! Bye! I practically ran for my life and high-tailed it out of there.